The Usual
by Kazo Sakamari
Summary: "So what happened this time?" He asks, alluding to the bender Sirius had clearly gone on and Sirius catches his eyes before looking away, cheeks burning. "Just the holidays, you know, the usual." Sirius mutters.


A darker holiday fic for you all, it might be a two chapter one...let me know what you guys think!

Please leave a review!

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"I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow and we'll go over the play again." James reassures Greg, the new third year chaser he's been working with, as they step into the common room. It's a ploy to get rid of him, and Greg knows it. James can see the disappointment on his face, but thankfully Greg doesn't say anything. Maybe he's as fucking wrecked as I am, James thinks. Because he is wrecked, his entire body aches, muscles he didn't even know he had. He's pretty sure his shoulder is going to be bruised for weeks and he probably needs to go to the hospital wing about it tomorrow. And to top it off he's got a head splitting headache from putting up with the rest of the fucking team all practice, trying to keep order within the ranks. Practice had been a shit show, rain and mud and fucking hail battering them for the better part of two hours as they screamed at each other across the pitch. James is soaked, shivering, and fucking exhausted.

All he wants right now is a hot shower and to crawl into bed.

His shoulder aches from where he took a stray bludger in chest, something that may or may not have been Greg's fault because he wasn't in formation. James gives Greg a tense smile, aware that its clear he's displeased with him, but he's got zero fucks to give about Greg's feelings right now. Greg cautiously waves goodbye to him as he climbs the stairs to the dormitory slowly and James gives a halfhearted wave back, his mind already moving on to new subjects.

Remus is still locked away in the hospital wing from the full moon two nights ago and James wonders if Sirius has checked on him tonight while he was at practice. He doesn't have the energy to run down there tonight but still. He's concerned. He's always concerned about Remus after the full moon, especially after they all failed once again to keep Moony from hurting himself.

He pushes the door to the dormitory open and finds it _almost_ empty.

Shedding his cloak and rain soaked leather boots he walks across the wooden floor in damp socks and stares at his best friend, passed out on his bed.

Sirius is high as a fucking kite, even passed out James can tell. And if it was any other day, any other night, James would happily leave Sirius to his drug induced coma but—

Not tonight.

Tonight he's fucking pissed off and tired and sore and all he fucking wants is to shower and go the fuck to sleep.

And Sirius is in his fucking bed.

"Sirius!" James yells.

Nothing.

James pushes his glasses up his nose and examines his best friend. There's traces of vomit on his shirt sleeves and dried blood around his nose and dark circles under his eyes.

Sirius is fucked, he truly is.

James slaps him. Maybe a little harder than necessary and watches as Sirius' bleary eyes open.

"The fuck…" Sirius groans, eyes sliding closed and James just grimaces.

"Get up."

Sirius blinks, stares up at him, not really seeing him and James realizes he's not going to get anywhere with Sirius until he sobers up.

"It's time for a shower mate." James says, heaving Sirius off his bed, one arm wrapped around Sirius' thin waist, the other steering his shoulders. They stumble unbalanced over to the bathroom where James dumps Sirius unceremoniously on the floor and digs around in their medicine cabinet for a sobering potion. He finds a nearly empty bottle and curses Remus for downing their supply at the last tower party and decides this will have to do.

This and a cold shower.

He forces Sirius' mouth open, slapping Sirius' hand away and empties the bottle into Sirius' mouth.

"Swallow that." He orders and Sirius does. Surprisingly.

"Strip." He tries, hoping that maybe tonight is a good night and Sirius will actually listen to him. But no.

It was a onetime deal and Sirius just closes his eyes instead, starting to pass out once more.

"For fucks sake." James mutters, tugging Sirius' shirt over his head, Sirius mumbling incoherent messages of annoyance. "Can you get your own fucking pants off?" He finally snaps and Sirius, to his credit, tries to wiggle out of his jeans.

He gets most of the way there.

James tugs them off Sirius' ankles, along with his socks and points to the shower. Sirius crawls in and slumps there, shivering in his underwear. James strips, tossing his soaked quidditch uniform and Sirius' trashed clothes into the laundry bin before clambering over Sirius' sprawled legs and turning the water on as hot as it will go.

Sirius yelps as the icy water hits him and James is relived to see that the few drops of sobering potion are already having an effect. Sirius' eyes are coming back into focus, his pupils growing smaller. James closes his own eyes and stands under the water for a long moment as it heats up, waiting until he's regained feeling in his frozen toes and fingers. He rinses the dirt and mud from his hair, scrubbing at his body until his skin is pink, and washes his face clean and opens his eyes. Looking at Sirius.

Sirius sits there, knees curled to his chest, dripping wet. Silver eyes bloodshot and miserable. He reminds James of a wet dog. He smells a bit like one too.

"Come here." He holds out his hand and pulls Sirius to his feet. He weighs nothing, always had. Sirius is skin and bones, delicate in that way male models are. Like he has hollow bones or some shit. Wet skin slips through James' hands and Sirius falls to his knees in front of James laughing. Whatever he took obviously still working it's way through his system.

"Fuck me." Sirius slurs and James tries to laughs along with him, holding out his hand again. Sirius takes it, staring at it for a long moment, lost in his own head.

"Come on," James says and Sirius shrugs him off.

"I mean," He trips over his words, voice low and rumbling, "as long as I'm on my knees..."

And then.

Like it's something they always do, Sirius takes James' dick in his mouth and James gasps.

"Sirius—" He starts, but Sirius' tongue silences him and James stiffens, one hand reaching out to grip the wall.

Sirius' soft pink lips are wrapped gently around his cock, his tongue licking smooth strokes along the length of it. His gray eyes are closed, his long hair dripping wet, his thin body curled up on the shower floor and James stares down at him with blurry vision before Sirius swallows deeply and James closes his eyes.

One hand pressed against the wall, one wrapped in Sirius' wet hair.

Sirius moves slowly, head bobbing up and down, a hand gripping the base, another clutching James' ass, fingers creeping deeper and deeper until James moans.

Something low and deep and primal.

"Fuck." James whispers, legs shaking. Sirius speeds up, lips suctioned tight, his hand moving in unison, his fingers strumming a rhythm all their own and James' hold on his hair tightens. "_Fuck_." He whispers again and Sirius' tongue works fucking magic, flicking and licking and sucking and James can't—

Can't fucking—

"_Oh god_."

He comes.

Hard and fast and more than he feels he's ever come in his life.

Sirius swallows it down, his long elegant neck moving slowly, his swollen lips carefully releasing James' cock, giving it one last little lick.

Like a parting gift.

James can feel his entire body shaking, the hot water pouring down, the steam curling off his body, his half erect dick throbbing. In front of him Sirius sits back, eyes still closed, wiping at his mouth, water pouring over his thin body and James can't—

"What the fuck." He says aloud and Sirius' bloodshot eyes peel open. Lucid for the first time tonight and James watches as Sirius fully sees him.

Fully realizes what he's done.

"Oh shit." Sirius mutters, words still slurred, "oh shit I'm so sorry."

"Sirius—"

"I'm so fucking sorry."

"It's—"

"I'm so fucking sorry, I shouldn't have—"

"Sirius!" James yells and Sirius blinks up at him. "Just…just…fucking finish showering."

Sirius nods and James heaves his best friend to his feet, passing him the soap. Once Sirius is done, scrubbed clean of vomit and blood and James' fucking cum they wrap themselves in soft towels. Avoiding eye contact. James tosses Sirius his pajamas, a pair of plaid flannel pants, before tugging on his own cotton shorts and t-shirt, pushing his wire framed glasses up his nose.

He stands in front of his own bed, smelling the stink of cigarettes and booze that Sirius left on the sheets and steals a sidelong glance at Sirius.

Sirius is still coming down from the high. He's still apologizing. He's still refusing to look James in the eye.

"My sheets smell like a fucking brewery, we're bunking in your bed tonight." James says aloud and Sirius tenses.

"James…" Sirius' body is facing him, but his eyes are still focused on the floor and James shakes his head.

"Sirius." He reaches out, fingers tilting Sirius' head up, forcing Sirius to meet his gaze. "Your bed."

He waits until Sirius climbs under the heavy blankets first, drawing the thick curtains around him, setting a silencing spell around the bed. Before following Sirius. Making sure to leave a cushion of untouched space between them.

Examining Sirius' now clean face, James takes his glasses off and tugs the warm blankets around him. Sirius still looks like a fucking wreck. His face is pale, paler than it normally is. Gaunt looking almost, like he'd spent the day throwing up in the toilet, and James realizes, Sirius might have. Dark circles from a lack of sleep, nightmares probably. A trickle of blood reappearing from his nostril, from all the coke he'd snorted.

James knows Sirius.

He does.

James had known Sirius wasn't a virgin. He'd know Sirius wasn't particular with who he fucked. He'd known Sirius had done things with men before.

But _shit_.

This was something else.

This was definitely something else.

"So what happened this time?" He asks, alluding to the bender Sirius had clearly gone on and Sirius catches his eyes before looking away, cheeks burning.

"Just the holidays, you know, the usual." Sirius mutters and James nods.

The usual. Being their upcoming midterm exams, the threat of having to return home for Christmas break, Sirius having to return to his family.

"I don't want to go back." Sirius whispers, voice shaking. And James looks at him, the edges of his pale face blurry without his glasses and takes a deep breath. Reaches out, touching the scars that clutter Sirius body.

Sirius used to be ashamed of them, used to hide his scars from them. But then they uncovered that Remus was a werewolf, and that Peter's dad was a mean drunk, and that James' mom was sometimes an absent mother. James supposes their flaws, the other Marauders, gave Sirius the confidence to show them his scars.

He isn't ashamed of them now, but he doesn't flaunt them either. Doesn't put them on display, rather just refuses to hide them.

And somehow there's a difference in that.

Some of the scars were made by his parents. Some by himself.

"What's this one?" James asks, running his finger along a thick welt that runs across Sirius' shoulder and into his back.

"My dad whipped me."

"This one?" A raised pink strip.

"Dad got his hands on a hot iron."

"This one?" A thin silver line along his wrist.

"I tried to slit my wrists."

James flinches. At the thought.

Of living in this world without Sirius.

"This one?" A strange collection of pink and red circles.

"My mom cursed me."

"This one?" A series of sunken gashes down his chest.

"I gave that to myself, clawed my chest to strips."

James drops his hand like he'd been burned. Sirius lays there in silence for a long moment before reaching out fingering the black and blue colors on James' shoulder. "What happened to you?" He asks and James tries to shrug, but winces in pain instead.

"Stray bludger at practice tonight, it was a total shit show."

Sirius nods, meets his eyes and doesn't look away this time.

"I really am sorry James, I shouldn't have—"

"Sirius…"

"I don't know what the fuck I was thinking, I'm so fucking stupid."

"Sirius."

"Such a fucking idiot—"

"Sirius!"

"Please don't hate me—"

James kisses him.

Wraps his fingers into Sirius' damp hair and presses his lips to Sirius' and fucking kisses him.

It's decidedly different than the few times he's kissed Lilly.

Sirius has some slight scurf around his mouth, his lips are surprisingly bigger and softer than Lily's, he tastes of mint toothpaste and vodka.

"I could never hate you. Stop apologizing." James says after he pulls away and Sirius stares out at him with his bloodshot silver eyes, the remnants of the drugs he took and the alcohol he drank still in his system.

James knows, that this might be a bad idea. That his might ruin everything. Destroy his entire world here at school, his friendships with the other Marauders, with Sirius.

But it feels…_right_.

It feels so much more than right.

"We'll talk about shit in the morning, when you've sobered up and I'm not fucking exhausted, okay?" He says and Sirius stares at him.

Bloodshot silver eyes.

"Okay." Sirius says, voice barely a whisper.

James reaches over and kisses him, one last time, before turning out the light.

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Let me know what you think!

Happy Holidays everyone! 3


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